First Citizens Heritage Club Offers Advice on How to Handle Aging Parents’ Issues that Surface During the Holidays

(Mason City, Iowa)- Baby Boomers visiting aging parents during the holidays may be in for a shocking surprise, warns Certified Senior Advisor Patty Paul, who is also the Heritage Club Coordinator at First Citizens National Bank in Mason City. The pristine house and yard of the past now look shabby and neglected. Dirty dishes fill the sink and the kitchen table is covered in crumbs. Unopened bills are stacked haphazardly all over the countertops. Mom seems unfocused and Dad is having trouble getting around. It’s clear that help is needed, but what should family members do?

Paul encourages people to take advantage of the time when everyone is gathered together to initiate a conversation with parents and family members about “what if” scenarios and health and financial concerns.

Eldercare Link, one of the nation’s leading free eldercare referral services agrees. CEO Robert Brooks says that historically, the week after Thanksgiving generates more requests from anxious family members than any other week of the year.
The holidays are a good time, the organization says, for family members to be alert for signs that elderly relatives may need help – physical, mental or financial. The most important thing, they say, is to look for signs of change in mood, health and living conditions. Checking in with people who visit the relative frequently can indicate whether there have been recent changes.

Some signs to look for include:

•  Personal hygiene problems

• Home in disarray or needing to be cleaned

• Weight loss or weight gain – check for spoiled food or insufficient food at home

• Failure to manage medications or medical appointments

• Increased difficulty with mobility (such as climbing stairs or using a bathtub)

• Changes in judgment, mood or overall behavior

• Increased forgetfulness – check for unopened mail or unread newspapers

• Missed bill payments or other financial difficulties

• Unusual or extravagant purchases that are out of character

• Decreased social activities or failing to maintain friendships

Experts warn that it isn’t necessary to panic if you recognize a few changes. Some are simply part of the aging process. Slowing down doesn’t automatically mean that your parents are ready to move to an assisted living facility or in with you.

Paul advises this is a good time to talk about concerns and to ask parents what kind of help they would like. Start researching the options. There are many organizations that can provide expert advice about a range of senior services ranging from home health aides, visiting nurses, Meals on Wheels and Adult Day Care to financial planning and legal issues.
While you are visiting, take a look around and learn more about the community where your parents live. Visit facilities, contact senior organizations, take notes and start a file so you will know whom to call when something needs to be done. Keep adding to it and pretty soon you will be able to treat your parents to home-delivered meals or arrange for a senior companion to take your parents to meetings and special events.

When you get back home, check out some of the websites offering gadgets that can help safeguard your parents and ease your worries. Video monitors, for example, enable you to keep an eye on how your parents are coping and automated medication carousels ensure that they are taking their pills in the right dosage and at the right time.
If you feel there are legal, financial and insurance questions that need discussion, go to the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging website at www.eldercare.gov for a checklist of these topics.

Paul adds a few parting words of advice. One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with aging parents is dealing with siblings, other family members and outsiders. Everybody has an opinion or agenda. Take the lead and encourage everyone in your family to really listen to one another, respond with respect, keep a sense of humor, and stay focused on the prize – providing your parents with the best possible quality of life.

For more information about First Citizens Heritage Club, a financial and social club for those 55 and older, please call 423-1600.

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